26: notes in somatic experiencing when you listen to the playlist you intentionally made to make yourself cry, and what you experienced
Felice brothers make my chest tight, I imagined,
singing along with a few friends who knew the words in raucous dance with my
bride creature beside me holding me tight
Old Hound was always my own song but it makes me sad anyway
wanting to be
wanting to be– you know,
I wanted to dance to run with me at the wedding because we had recently been running together ha ha ha, but your breasts hurt and you felt bad and weird ahd it wasn’t fun for you so I ran the races. I got the stupid jacket prize in the end. Run with you. It would have really cemented that seventies glow.
Even Simjang is gone now, like we just killed all the restaurants we loved in our wake. A man among guys.
Paul McCartney feels like a warm, hot sick punch to the gut, literally like, I’ve been socked in the sternum by a burst of noxious air. I knew the exact chord change where I would kiss you in the middle of our afternoon, our life. Spring wedding at a house, summer wedding in the backyard, lodge, Vegas, desert I meant it when I said I could live a thousand different lives of love with you, beautiful fucker.
I guess we’re living. I guess this is a life of love, in one way or another.
I fall asleep to the mountain goats even though it catches in my throat because I feel warm and cozy like a cracked china sink in a bathroom with fairy lights like the way I did in your arms, chest rising and falling with the water in the clawfoot tub, for a while.